One Long Night for Mama

What a night! We are having such a hard time getting Bug to sleep in her own bed. She says she is scared and doesn't feel safe. She can't give me any more information than that. Last night she agreed to sleep in her bed or I would call the therapist we saw when DQ was living here and Bug was scared then. She ended up just crying in the hallway, crawling to my side of the bed and tried hard not to cry loud. I wanted to just let her in bed but hubby is so crabby about it. I told her I'd lay down with her until she fell asleep.

I ended up falling asleep in her bed and woke up at 2:00 something because Andrew was in the kitchen looking for food. I got him back to bed, but had to lay with him to get him to calm enough to fall asleep. I got back to Bugs bed and she was sleeping! Yeah!

A short while later she is back in my room upset because I didn't come back. I told her only until she falls asleep. Not long after that Andrew is up getting a bowl of cereal. I finally let him up at 5:15. He was just too excited about summer school starting today.

Last night he couldn't get to sleep. He came out around 9:00 and asked if his bus was coming. He didn't want to miss it. He must have dozed off and woke up. Since it was still light out he thought it was morning. He has no concept of time. He argued it was morning. I layed down with him to help him calm and eventually fall asleep. Ever since he was a baby he has needed to play with my hair when he is really stressed. So that is what he did.

Both kids need to have a warm body next to them to fall asleep. It would be great if we could get 2 big dogs to fill that role.
Hubby just wants to let Bug cry and we ignore her. I just can't do that. When DQ was here we let her sleep in our bed because she didn't feel safe unless she was with us. Now what do we do?

I really would like to get a dog for Andrew as a companion. So many times he is the only kid home while the others are off with friends. He really needs one to play with, be friends with. We have a great yard for a dog. We are all in agreement with this, except hubby of course. If we could get the right personality in a dog I think it would be good for him. He loves dogs.

Have any of you had experiences with your kids and companion dogs? Or just a great dog that has made difference in your child's life?

It's a 4th of July funk

We had a fun day yesterday. Kari's family came for a visit and all the kids got a long! What was even better is our pca, Courtney, stayed the entire time and played with the kids so we could sit and talk. I have to say if it weren't for Courtney it wouldn't have been near as relaxing. I don't think we've ever had the opportunity to sit and talk several full sentences to each other before. Several times we found the husbands hiding out downstairs or outside somewhere and we didn't even get mad at them. I think they needed their own man time.

Look at the chocolate chip cheesecake Kari brought for desert. It was so good she could have sold slices for $5 a piece at a restaurant. I didn't eat any new food all day yesterday, which was hard to do since we had lots of fresh fruit. (I am still having to be careful what I am eating until I know how my system will react) I wanted my food yesterday to be her cheesecake! I forgot I am supposed to eat small amounts, because what I ate was anything but small. Then I finished off Andrew's piece that I found on the counter.

I think I just ate too much of a good thing. By bed time I was moaning and groaning (and it didn't have anything to do with hubby so get your minds out of the gutter). Lots of trips to the bathroom and eventually all is ok. I think I have to eat my bland canned fruit and steamed vegetables today. But there still is some cheesecake in the frig. and it's calling to me. I bet it will win me over. I just won't eat as much this time. Maybe.

The kids had fun jumping on our new trampoline with water from a sprinkler under it and sliding down a blow up water slide. I didn't get pictures of Bug and Ben, but they played quite a lot with KD the new hamster. They had her running all over Ben inside his shirt. Good thing he wore jeans and not shorts or I'm afraid of what they would have done next.

It's raining pretty hard here this 4th of July. Andrew is pacing and jumping around with his happy noise "When is the fireworks?" repeat. repeat. repeat. He doesn't like the noise of the fireworks so we just do a few here at home. Even with those he ends up watching from the kitchen window with me. BUT he has invited every kid he ran into on the sidewalk yesterday. That's what he is excited about.

I'm in a funk today. Having Kari's family over yesterday made me realize how much I miss the company of her family. They are just like our family and it's so nice to have someone like that around. Back to reality today. Maybe I'm just tired because Andrew got me up last night to help him fall asleep. It was sweltering in his room and he wouldn't let me open the window. I noticed he was up earlier with a glass of milk and I don't know how many cookies before getting me.

Nah, it's not tiredness. I miss my friend.

DQ update and "Andrew shoes"

I haven't said much lately on how DQ is doing at residential treatment. She' s been doing great there. She is finally at the top level for privileges, so is obviously doing her chores, being compliant, participating in groups, helping others and attending all classes and therapies.

We had a video conference yesterday for family therapy. It didn't go so well. She wanted to come home this weekend, especially since it was the 4th of July. The answer was no. We had to say this because she has had 4 home visits and hasn't followed the rules for any of them. If we kept letting her come home when she wants to why should she follow them if nothing happens. She also asked about attending a one week culture camp at the end of the month. We had to say no to that this year because of behaviors. If we can't trust her to follow rules for 2 days at home, how do we trust her one week at camp. It is a day camp, but every year she gets in trouble. Last year is when she ran up the high cell phone bill.

It's so hard to figure her out. Is she shutting down so she doesn't have to feel the anger or sadness? Can she identify what is really at her core? The therapist said they are working on identifying feelings and what to do with them in other therapy sessions.

She is not happy. Oh no. On a scale of 0-10 with 10 being the angriest, she said she was a 8. But her face and body didn't look any different from when we started the session. There was no way we could tell how angry she was. She shut down. Her goal for the session was not to shut down and to participate. She finally said she was "pissed off". She said she really wanted to come home and wouldn't do anything she wasn't supposed to. But if she were home when the camp was in session she probably would do something. If you are a long time reader you know how well she can plan out what she wants to do.

Last night she came out of her room sobbing to unit staff that she and her siblings were going to be split up because of abuse at home. She was worried about a younger one because he has disabilities and wouldn't be able to take care of himself. They told her to talk to her therapist about it. They know her. Thank goodness they know her well. We've been down the false allegation road 3 times already. She was so mad at us for not letting her come home, or attend the camp so she was going to get back at us.

I pray that insurance will continue to pay for her to be there. There hasn't been any talk that it might be a problem, but with this economy I worry.
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How about I end this with a feel good story?

Around noon today a neighbor stopped by and asked what size shoe Andrew wears. The last time I talked to this woman was the day we moved in here 7 years ago. We wave when driving by each other or say good morning when she is out walking her dog while Bug and I wait at the bus stop, but that really is all. They live a ways down from us. Anyway, she saw a pair of shoes at a craft sale that were such a good deal she thought of Andrew and hoped he could wear them.

She said she just thought they looked like him. Guess what color they were? Black and orange! Halloween! Someone who doesn't even know us, knows how he loves Halloween. I'll bet more people than I know are aware of this since he is putting up Halloween colors and decorations year round. Unfortunately they were 2 sizes too small. That was the sweetest gesture.

Usually when a neighbor comes to the door and asks about Andrew it is not going to be a good conversation. It was such a blessing to have her at my door just wanting to give him a new pair of shoes that spoke to her and said 'Andrew'.

Parenting by Bug

Last night coming home from my brother's place which is about a 40 min. drive, Andrew was bumping himself on his seat with his body and head. I knew he was going to do it because it was late. It helps him to regulate, calming himself down. Mr 18 knows he does this, but can he keep his big mouth shut? Of course not. They start poking each other, then pushing, then hitting, etc. Andrew was so loud it hurt my ears.

Meanwhile here is Bug in the back seat (Mr 18 and Andrew were in the middle seat) saying something I have never heard her say (so calm, so meditation-like). She absolutely hates it when Andrew gets loud, he even talks too loud for her.
Remember she doesn't ever want to sit next to him.

Bug to Andrew: Would you like me to sit next to you? Andrew, Andrew would you like me to sit next to you?
Relax.....
R...e....l...a....x a...n...d
Take a deep breath
Take a deep breath
Take a deep, calming breath
(now she shows by example)
Calm
Calm body

Bug to Mr 18: Nice job. You are getting him all riled up!

Bug back to Andrew: that doesn't sound calm
Breath in.....
and breath out...

Bug to Mr 18: That's it! I'm not help you anymore M_____!

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Next parenting moment with Bug:

Andrew is poking Mr 18 and saying Huh! Huh! Huh!
Bug-Where did you learn that Andrew? That's mean and rude!
Andrew- a movie
Bug-Which one? Shrek 2?
Andrew-yah
Bug to me- I don't think he should watch that movie anymore.
Bug to Andrew-Be a nice little boy. Be a nice little gentleman.


What would I do without my Jr. Parents?

Our cat, a tramp, a car and a key.

Somehow our weekend went pretty well considering what had to be done with our oldest cat, Jake. It was hard on all of us. I told the kids late in the afternoon on Friday that Saturday morning I'd have to bring him in. Bug cried right away with big crocodile tears. Then I told Andrew to come over so I could tell him. I told him, then he looked all happy and confused. Then he looked at Bug to see how he should react and look. He made himself cry, said he would miss Jakey and told him he could see his "big brudder Sonny in heaven". He didn't show much reaction for the rest of the night.

In the morning, there were hugs and kisses and tears. Andrew showed a little emotion. Bug gave me one of her baby blankets to wrap around Jake. We have a picture of her sleeping with this blanket wrapped around her with Jakey laying snug against her. She wanted him to use it now.

I was fine until I walked into the vet office and the receptionist asked how she could help me. Nothing came out of my mouth and my eyes started tearing up. I guess that told her who I was as she put us in our room right away. I'm going to jump to me at home now because I don't want to go through talking about the procedure because it's too painful for me. I love my cats and Jake has been with us for 19.6 years. Call me silly if you feel it, but my cats are my kids too.

I walked in our door without Jake, Bug held onto me and sobbed, Andrew asked where Jakey was. He asked if he was coming back, when I said no he genuinely cried then too. Since Andrew is such a concrete thinker it was so hard for him to understand all of this before it happened. But when he saw me come in without Jake, then it was real.

Andrew asked me to lay down with him when he went to bed, and he cried more. His crying about missing Jake morphed into crying about his birthmom. He has seen pictures of her, knows her name, and that he came out of her tummy. I've always told him when he is older I will find her so we can meet her again. Whenever Andrew is real tired, he will cry that he misses Sonny. He was our cat we had to put down maybe 8-10 years ago. But when he talked about missing bmom it surprised me. I wonder if can't express the hurt or sad part about not being with her or knowing her unless he is already in that state of emotion. I'm glad he talked about it though. Bug came in when we were talking about it so I think it helped when she chimed in that it's the same way for her with her bmom.

When Bug went to bed she had to sleep next to me with the blanket that she let Jake use. She said we can share it that way and feel better. You know what? It did help me feel better. Jake always, always slept with me so the extra blanket to snuggle was what I needed. Bug is such a deep thinker.

Later in the day we put together a new trampoline which took all of our minds off of Jake for awhile. It was so much fun putting it together that hubby said this is the last one we will ever have. Someone (I think one of Mr 18's friends) said "Well you wouldn't have to be putting this one together if someone didn't break the other one." You see, when I was in the hospital hubster was jumping on it with Andrew and Bug. Next they know is it bent into a V and all were sliding down the tramp. Gee thanks Dad, you broke the kids trampoline! Wish I could have seen that happen.

I'm so happy to have a trampoline back again. Andrew needs it so much to calm himself down. Plus it's the one thing he can do really well. Somehow he has such control over his body on there. He can do flips that look like slow motion or little speed balls spinning.

We went to my brothers on Sunday to check out a car he picked up from his soon-to-be daughter-in-law's father. Got that? My brother is helping Mr 18 find a first car. My bro can fix anything that has to do with cars. This one just sort of came to him out of the blue and is perfect for Mr 18. Great price and hardly anything to fix before driving.

Here's a funny about Mr 18. He was using the key to open the trunk since he didn't get to see it earlier. He put the key in, turned it and .... then he looked at me with his mouth wide open and and bugged out eyes. I was outside sitting and listening to my sister-in-law and that look told me something big was wrong. The key snapped in half vertically. Luckily he got the piece out, but boy did he feel terrible. About a half hour later my brother pulls out the spare key from his pocket and said he didn't know there was one. Good one! Made him sweat for awhile. Bro said he never said he wasn't an ***hole. He just kept Mr 18 feeling awful and bro is saying "you broke it, you bought it." That's my nice little brother.

This post is getting perty long so I will write another one to tell you about our drive home. It was after Andrew's regular medicine and bedtime. So just guess how it went.